I remember my growing up days in a very hostile environment whereby any steps i take could led to stepping on my parents' landmines and trigger their emotion outbursts, growing up in this environment, i became weak to my anger and many times succumbed to my own emotional outburst, especially anger. I remember many times when my parents pressed my buttons or something that triggers me, i said hurtful words, bend lies to truth in the heat of anger but luckily, i did not said any curse words which means i still have some kindness in me.
During my secondary school days, my anger issues made my life worst, let's just say i lost many relationships and good opportunites to progress in life. It doesn't help much when i was very much in my own world with no friends to seek help from or let alone lend a listening ear, therefore my anger issues persists throughout my school days.
There was one incident which i kind of regret, while arguing with my parents over a trivial matter, i suddenly snapped and scold them with a wrong choice of words that they are failure as parents, listing down all their weaknesses, their toxic behaviours...then my mum start to cry and my dad just go crazy angry and shouting. It's my first time saying that and i kind of regret why can't i just let them say whatever they want and filter out, rather than engage head to head and hurt people's feelings real bad, i must say i really screw up big time. That particular year, i barely went home to eat with my parents, i wander around Singapore after work and during weekends to search for answers and peace, eventually, i set a few rules and a few mantras into my head just to keep my emotions in check.
These are the few rules i set for myself, which i hope it helps anyone who has issues with their anger management.
- Always remember that my anger is my responsibility and not blaming other people who triggered me.
- It is ok to walk away from people or situations that are hostile and will mostly trigger anger anytime and everytime.
- Let unpleasant words or situations filter out of my brain and at the same time, tell myself that it is not big deal, don't waste my time bothering my inner peace.
- Accept anger is part of me, let it come and after listening to my angry thoughts, let it go.
- When situation requires me to deal with it rather than walk away, remind myself to say with a firm voice, clear and loud, say it twice and i will stop.
- Be more thoughtful to others because if i don't like people vent their anger on me, then i have to take the first step of not doing so to others.
- Train and practice saying good, pleasant and encouraging words to others, make it a habit.
- Be more compassionate and forgive people who lash out at me, forgive myself for lashing on others and remind myself firmly not to do it next time.
- Try to think for my physical and mental well-being when i decide to vent out my anger.
- Always meditate right after i woke up and brush my teeth and another session right before i sleep.
- Engage with more activities which makes you feel better such as your passion or hobby etc.
- Exercise daily in the morning.
So these are the 12 rules i set for myself to curb not just my anger issues but also many other underlying emotional knots.
I can feel that when i'm angry, a part of my logical brain went missing, then when very angry, i can feel my skull is hollow, then those words or actions of anger feels like out of my control but i can feel it, it's just pretty hard to snap myself out when in heat. It's quite scary to feel it's you and not you at the same time when angry because it is those kinds of situations led to regrettable or irreversible consequences. I'm pretty sure everyone on this planet wants to leave this world with little regrets as possible right? Then, anger that is out of control will be one of your top formidable foe who will just add on to your regret list and turn you into a very miserable being.
Choice of words is part of the decisions you had to make in life so like i mentioned before, from my personal case study, my anger led me to decide to use hurtful words, therefore, i hurt people emotionally, i lost valuable and possible friendships, i had no one to turn to when i needed help. I personally thought those were my karma for my past regrettable actions and words because i spent many years without any true friends, no romantic relationships and endured many broken relationships, and finally now i can pick myself up and start clearing the mess i made in earlier times.
Therefore, always remember your anger is always in your control, whenever you had outburst, point the finger at yourself first so that you trained yourself to acknowledge your own anger, be more aware of your anger and that will be the crucial first step in changing yourself into a better person.
Have a good day and bye bye anger!